tailor made puns (re-sewn)


James Ertner
 

 

I hate to knit pick and I shirtenly don’t want to skirt the issue, but some of these puns are just sew-sew.

 

Jim

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Seamstress slogan, "Size is Immaterial"
 
Doug S.
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When the man noticed holes in his favorite pair of socks, he exclaimed "Darn!"


When the tailor got bored, he'd ask his grandfather who knew lots of folk tales to spin him a yarn.

Charles


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"This is the 4th time I've had to make new chalk lines on this suit",the tailor remarked.
Doug S.
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It was midwinter, and I went out in the long garment on top of my clothes that keeps warm. When my tailor saw it he shrieked and ripped it off my shoulders and threw it into the waste basket. IN answer to my raised eyebrow he said:
"It's so out of fashion, it's an over coat."

I was just about to answer, when I screamed; there was a spider on the end of my sleeve. As if without thinking the tailor brushed it away. "There," he said, "it's off the cuff."

He was proud of the double overstitching his firm uses. "It's a matter of seam stress."

My dress suit is fitted, it has tux.

Joseph Harris
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Didja hear about the 5k run where all the participants were hat makers? It was called the “Haberdash.”

Gary Hallock

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My tailor must be a big Chicago Bulls basketball fan. Every time I see him, he says, "how 'bout thimbles"
 
My tailor never gets it right the first time....he's always remarking
 
The tailor fooled around in the dressing room with the seamstress. It was all cotton video camera
 
The key to success is patience says my tailor. At least that's what he chalks it up to
 
He applied for the tailor job opening because he thought it was a good fit
 
The tailor's customer was in a hurry so he took a shortcut
 
Tailors don't profile their clients but they do size them up
 
Doug S.
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Led Zeppelin wrote a number one song for their favorite Himalayan tailor. You probably recognize the 8-1/2 minute hit's name, " Cashmere"
 
Doug S
 
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Soooo, if the Geico Gecko got a new outfit, what famous actress would be his personal tailor?   - LIZ TAILOR

Gary Reeves
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Bet you didn't know that one of the Beatles came from a long family line of tailors,including his father,grandfather,great grandfather and great great grand father...all tailors!
The Beatle was none other than the great John Linen.
Doug S
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When the seamstress was given an order to make different headdress designs for the nuns to choose, she couldn't stop. Obviously,it was habit forming.
Doug S.
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A tailor and his seamstress girlfriend were having problems in their relationship.  One said to the other:  "You find fault in everything I do.  Why are you always knitpicking?"

Charles


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Two tailors had been sitting at a bar for quite some time. The bartender asks, "ready for another round?" One of the tailors replies, "No thanks, I think weave had enough"
 
Doug S.
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Why do tailors make good bridge partners? 
 
Because they always follow suit
 
Doug S.
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What's this profession's favorite play by Shakespeare?  Measure for Measure

Re Doug's pun below about a tailor yarning to become a priest, I heard that this priest later confessed to his senior that he had flirted with a nun.  The senior priest consoled him by forgiving him, but warned him not to get into the habit.

Charles


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How do you know your tailor is being truthful? When he speaks off the cuff.
 
Why did the tailor yarn to be a priest?  Because he felt he was already a man of the cloth
 
Tailors are very self disciplined, never doing anything against their twill
 
The balding tailor naturally wanted mohair
 
Doug S
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I am preparing to spin out a yarn, because already we'ave a twisted thread. 

I was not too popular at school and kept being called Harris t'weed.

My tailor is absolutely mad on the old world, trying to get patrons to wear the old styles of clothing. We refer to him as Panto-loon. He has started to make suits for the new woman. His first jackets for that cross over at the front; he calls them double breasted.

Joseph
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Let me get this straight. A female tailor is a seamstress. Is that what you'd accurately collar?
 
Doug S. 
 
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I have a friend who goes to this fortune tailor because he thinks it suits his needs.  It has altered his mind.  I try to tell him to quilt going, because it hasnt denim him any good.  Hes such a seersucker.
Bert
(Someone broke this thread and needs to repair it.)
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I think maybe the erotic driving woman in Cyn's quip must have had her top down. Turns out she was knitting a sweater. That's probably why the cop demanded that she "pull over."

I have address form to fill in this afternoon and will needle little time to come up with more tailor puns. The cloak is ticking so I think the basting I can do is rip pair to the next room and pursue my other patchin'.

Gary Hallock
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When the cop saw the woman driving erratically, he decided to  see if she was texting so he decided to tailor.
Cyn
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Inseams we're repeating ourselves a bit here button hole it's still a good thread. Sew tonight I'll be Bernina midnight oil to patch together more yarns that fit the topic. 
(Was sartorial pun or just thimble wordplay?)& nbsp;

Gary Hallock

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Whenever I engage in dialogue with my tailor, it's a "Me,Me,Me" conversation...all about hem
 
Doug S.
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Why are tailors often found picking strawberries,potatoes and pumpkins on their days off?
Because they're great at patchwork
Doug S< /p>
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Tailors don't expect to run out of thread, Doug. When they do, they know they've been stitched up. But they are resilient and they just keep bobbin' back up. 

Did you know that at one time Scots developed a spirit drink from thistles? It was thornproof. 

When a Saville Row tailor opened a branch in Edinburgh, he got no business. It was his own fault for keeping to English materials. The Scots knew he just plaid with them.

Joseph
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When tailors run out of thread for the day are they temporarily out of pocket?
 
Doug
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Re Joseph's Jack the Ripper comment, it's a fact that Jack's tailor could turn anyone into a fashion model. In fact, it was said of Jack that he cut a fine figure.

Charles


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[Unable to display image]
 
You have no idea how pleats I am that sew many of you got cotton a thread like this and posted your many Singers. There’s a serge of interest, sew it seams. 

Gary Hallock

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My tailor has the name of a precious metal. All his suits have  a Silver lining. He had to make stage suit with lots of fastenings - it was for Buttons [if Brit, Buttons is a part in the Pantomime of Cinderella]


Suits often have to be taken apart and re-sewn during fitting. That was how Jacob, the fastest man on the job in the East End of London, got known as Jack the Ripper. The police mistook him for somebody else, and so he had his collar felt [alt: was collared - both mean arrested]

I was reading in the library when my tailor marched in and cut the bottom off  the right leg of my traditional trousers. "Oh!" I shouted. "That's a turn up for  the book."

Joseph Harris
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Oh, darn!  Cyn has to go finish cooking dinner.  At least she won't be around to remind me that my puns are often old ones.  She seems to enjoy needling me.

Charles
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Not quite sure...on the fence on that but maybe you might per suede me
 
Doug S.
 
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Is that material to the topic?

Cyn
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Back in the early 1900's, tailors and seamstresses were the very fabric of our nation
 
Doug
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Then there was the seamstress who worked on the outskirts of town.

There was also the upholsterer who was injured in his machine, but he's fortunately now completely recovered.

OK, those are oldies, but this one is original:

The Bible warns us that what we sew, that shall we also rip.

Charles


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And it's not on Christmas topic but on sewing.

Cyn

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Yes Cyn, we have a new thread
 
Doug
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It seams we have a new topic.

Jump right in--don't just haw and hem.

Ask Santa for what you want for Xmas--maybe your need'll be fulfilled.

Santa is real--I know it's sew.

Cyn

= = = = =


Why is it that when tailors meditate, they tend to have their minds in the sewer? 
 
Why do tailors always seamstress'd?
 
My tailor never gets it right the first time. He just doesn't measure up.
 
When tailors tell jokes, they have everyone in stitches 
 
If you work for a seamstress, are you a tailor maid?
 
Why do tailors have bad sleep patterns?
 
Doug Spector


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