FAST Riddles: a bonus one

James Ertner

The slow-paced-animal FAST Riddle #101

How are snails transported overseas from France?

Reply faster than a snail to


FAST Riddles

FAST # 1

For a chronic tailgater, what's the most important meal of the day?

BRAKE FAST (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 2

How do you make a racehorse fast?

DON’T FEED IT. (James Ertner)

FAST # 3

How did the wild cat win the foot race?

HE WAS A CHEETAH (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 4

What's the name of the world's most genius laboratory-made monster?


FAST # 5

Speaking of "brake fast," on the ragged heels of Fred Flintstone's popular TV show in the 1960's there was another animated TV show about a family of the future. What was the title of the Russian version of this show?

THE JETSKIS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 6

This series is passing so quickly we may soon be in the double digits. It may be wise for everyone to do what?

FAST TEN their seat belts (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 7

The infamously impulsive and crude Tasmanian Devil (of Warner-Brother's fame) reformed his outrageous anti-social behavior and became quite civilized. Of course he was still quite an ugly sight to behold, but his manners were impeccable and he was always polite and proper. How might you describe the still-ugly, very nimble but now socially proper Tasmanian Devil?

FAST HIDEOUS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 8

What is the favorite item of clothing of NASCAR drivers?

SPEEDOS (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 9

The mythical beast was really tired, hardly moving at all. When he expressed this, referring to his backside, his lethargy hardly seemed surprising. In fact, it seemed quite appropriate. What did this beast say?

"My ass is DRAGON." (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 10

What type of meal seems appropriate for cheetahs?

FAST FOOD (James Ertner)

FAST # 11

What fairly recent federal government scandal when punned sounds like a combination of this and last riddle series?

FSST or FAST and FURRIOUS (Doug Spector)

FAST # 12

A devout believer (could have been a Catholic during Lent or a Muslim during Ramadan) wasn't very bright. Why did he put on a pair of track shoes and gym shorts when the religious period of time began?

He was FASTING (Charles Wukasch)

FAST # 13

If there was a tug-of-war contest between two of those religious people from #12, what would it be called if the winner cheated? It could be said that he ____ a ____ ____.

He PULLED a FAST ONE (Doug Spector)

FAST # 14

When my 4-year-old grandson is playing with his favorite toy, he always uses a model of a gas station to service his vehicle. The oil company no longer exists, but he doesn't care. He prefers this brand because it helps him remember the battle where I fought. What does he call the battle?


FAST # 15

Thinking of the last series and this one, what is the difference between basic medical treatment, rapid help, and a false front?

The first was FSST AID, The second, FAST AID, And the third a FACADE. (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 16

Just outside of Bahston, Massachusetts in the sleepy little town of Smallville lived Jonathan and Martha Kent. Everyone now knows about their “super kid” but not many people realize that the barren couple had earlier taken in a young orphaned girl who was … how shall we say it … developmentally delayed. When introducing people to their two young charges, Jonathan and Martha would sometimes say, “This is ahh slow dahhteah and ahh ____ ____.”


FAST # 17

The train engineer performed head-and-shoulders above his contemporaries, so upper management put him on the ____ ____ for promotion.

FAST TRACK (James Ertner)

FAST # 18

Although was our Learless Feeder initially was too DIS-TRACK-ted by the series name, he quickly realized no one trusted the engineer because they all knew he had ____ ____.

LOCO MOTIVES. (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 19

When the French speaking athlete was recruited to endorse Wheaties, he was at first hesitant. He erroneously thought he might be asked to consume mushrooms. Why?

He thought it was a BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIGNONS / CHAMPIONS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 20

What is the difference between a verb meaning “to bewitch” and a phrase meaning “to attach two-thirds of a dozen, say, buttons on a blouse?”

One is to FASCINATE and the other to FASTEN EIGHT.(James Ertner)

FAST # 21

How might one be instructed to suppurate more hastily?


FAST # 22

Back in the late 1960’s Steve McQueen was preparing for his career-defining role as a high caliber detective with the enigmatic name. Upon reading the script he realized that he was going to be required to do some very fast and dangerous driving and began to wonder if he was up to the task. To prepare himself for the automotive stunts to come, he took a trip to Japan where he spent many long hours riding to and fro on their high-speed rail system. What did he call this exercise?


FAST # 23

It turned out that with time Dr. Jekyll could achieve his transformation into Mr. Hyde with ever increasing speed, so much so that he became know quite widely for his what?


FAST # 24

We are approaching the time of year when many people of German ancestry area anticipating their favorite annual celebration. In preparation for wanton excesses of food and drink, some will abstain from eating for several weeks. What is this period of time called?

OKTOBER-FAST (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 25

At what speed did a famous German magician make an arrangement with the devil?

VERY FAUST (James Ertner)

FAST # 26

n a drinking contest to see who can last the longest without passing out, what alcholic beverage would give you the best chance of winning?

SLOW GIN / SLOE GIN (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 27

By what means of transport might a fellow make a leisurely journey from Norway to Hong Kong


FAST # 28

One of the U.S. presidents was renowned for being lethargic, which garnered him what nickname?

SLOW POLK (James Ertner)

FAST # 29

Recently salesmen were touting a new species of GM corn which exhibited extraordinarily rapid growth, reaching full height quickly. After farmers had bought and planted the seed, however, it turned out that the "new" corn grew no faster than regular corn. This, of course, illustrates the dangers of believing ____ ____ about a ____ _____.

FAST TALK about a FAST STALK (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 30

What are female plumbers favorite shoes?

CLOGS (Doug Spector)

FAST # 31

The driver was quite confused as he clambered quickly out of his sinking car. All he had done while driving in the American Midwest was to merge onto the highway, then shift from the right-hand side of the highway to the left. No sooner did he get to the left on the highway than he suddenly found himself in the waters of an inlet in Scotland. Why?


FAST # 32

How do you know that a dying tree is just exaggerating?


FAST # 33

As an English teacher, I tell my students not to use punctuation indicating surprise, anger, vulgarity, etc. precipitously. Think it over first. If they repeatedly fail to heed my warnings, I send them to a sex therapist. Why?

They're guilty of PREMATURE INTERJECTION. (Charles Wukasch)

Alt. Answer: PREMATURE EXCLAMATION (Chris Gross)

FAST # 34

Two local running clubs have competed against each other every year just for fun. However, this year one of the clubs decided to try a little subterfuge to win. They inserted an Olympic-class Latin American runner who was not a club member into their roster. The ruse was quickly detected and the other club quite rightly accused the first club of what?


FAST # 35

These days there seems to be a cable channel for everything. Now they even have one strictly for up to the minute unfavorable gossip and other negative information about musical groups only. Their motto is ___ ___ ___ ___.


FAST # 36

The dim-witted moron was learning how to use the controls on his DVD player. He popped in a disc and began to watch but was annoyed by having to read the FBI warning etc. He glanced at some of the buttons on the controller and began to ponder. After scratching his head for a moment he thought he'd figured out how to get what he wanted. As though the remote were a microphone, he shouted into it, "RUSH, SPEEDY, HURRY, RAPID!" ~ How had he interpreted the label on the remote button?

FAST FOUR WORDS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 37

No matter what precautions or procedures the carpenter tried, the glue he used always set up before he could assemble whatever he was trying to put together. It seemed to him that there was some ___ ___ ___ which kept him from completing things.


FAST # 38

While Noah and family slept at night during the hundred years of building the huge vessel, who guarded the work in progress?

ARK ANGELS (Doug Spector)

Alt. Answer: A CENTURY SENTRY (Friend ofDoug Spector)

FAST # 39

What was the sneaky tow truck trying to do on the speedy racetrack?

PULL A FAST ONE (James Ertner)

FAST # 40

The super-neat dieter found trying to lose weight quite boring. One might say he quite understandably found the ___ ___.

FAST TEDIOUS (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 41

By day he was a respected locksmith but by night he was a notorious burglar. Using his many years of experience and his nimble fingers to defeat many of the same locks he had earlier sold or serviced. All this duplicitous entrepreneurship was working well for him until one evening the night watchman, to get a break from the tedium of his job, decided to make his rounds in reverse order. Imagine the burglar's surprise when he saw the ominous dark figure walking up the long hallway just as the burglar was about to make yet another illegal e ntrance. He had to think FAST! Suddenly he realized he could call on his legitimate talents. He quickly made a ___ ___ the ___ and got clean away.

BOLT FOR the DOOR (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 42

What movie from the early 1980s was about a group of California teenagers who enjoy malls, sex, rock n' roll, and especially certain garden herbs?


FAST # 43

The slick powder salesman could sell his various powdered products to the toughest customers. Between his charm, great delivery, timing, voice inflection and terrific sales pitch, he was no match for even the most skeptical and hard to close. He always had a quick answer for any objection and hardly gave the customer a chance to speak and when they did, he was quick to retort. All these terrific sale's qualities contributed to all his high volume of ___ ___ sales!

FAST TALK (Doug Spector)

FAST # 44

There’s a group of clever doctors who have started up a sterilization clinic for men who are in a hurry. While it’s not exactly a “drive thru” they promise to get the job done in record time and it will bring about significant changes in your life. To promote these two features, their marketing department has come up with a bit of wordplay for the name of the business. What do you suppose is the name they gave this quickie clinic that promises to dramatically alter a man.

FAST DEFERENS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 45

Actresses may have to gain or lose 20 or 30 pounds of weight in a few weeks for a important role in a major movie. This is necessary so that the filming can start as scheduled, and her casting may be contingent on reaching the target weight in a specified time. One basic dietary instruction is identical for both gaining and losing weight rapidly -- except for punctuation. What is that instruction in each case?

To lose weight: DON'T EAT! FAST! To gain weight: DON'T EAT FAST! (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 46

What's the difference between going into a house of ill repute for a quickie and giving up carnal pleasures for Lent?

FAST SEX / SEX FAST (Charles Wukasch)

FAST # 47

Bambi was usually able to evade the human hunters because he was a ___ ___.?

FAST BUCK (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 48

The student at the culinary school caught on so quickly, especially at making large meals for many people. The master chef teacher was impressed of how his student was such a ___ ___.

FEAST LEARNER (Doug Spector)

FAST # 49

After the cooking lessons at Charles’ aforementioned culinary school, the students are invited to come and taste the dishes that the instructor has prepared. Unfortunately there are seldom enough portions to allow every student to get a taste. Those seated in the back of the class often clamor and complain about getting shut out of the tasting session. The instructor (undoubtedly a native of Boston) callously replied, “Sahree, but you know thah rules ~ “___ ___, ___ ___.


FAST # 50

Native tribes participated in the Seven Years' War preceding the American Revolution. The tradition of one of the tribes was to not partake of food for 24 hours before going into battle, This was immortalized in a 19th century novel and later in the movies. What was the title of that novel and movies?


FAST # 51

Every day we had an early meal that included Tea, Turkish coffee, pita bread, cabbage salad, home made tahini, humus with olive oil, olives, pickled vegetables, boiled eggs, white cream cheese, yellow cheese,and various cereals, Obviously, we were staying at a ___ ___.


FAST # 52

Comical videos of ducks, geese and other waterfowl are popular on YouTube because people enjoy seeing their ___ ___.

WEBBED FEATS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 53

Curiously enough, there are two words which sound like opposite versions of the same thing, but in fact are about two very different things. One is lowly and the other lofty. And one cannot replace the other, despite the existence of a third word which might suggest that one of the two words might replace the second word, or vice versa. The three words are ___, ___ & ___..

PROSTITUTION -- being for "stitution,"

CONSTITUTION -- possibly being against "stitution" (or with it), and

SUBSTITUTION -- being below "stitution." (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 54

The first word is a woman’s name. The second word makes you think of a Biblical character. The third word gets you in. Put together they add up to a state of disorder due to a lack of authority. What words am I seeking?

ANN ARK KEY / ANARCHY (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 55

What word describes a decade of riddles which goes too slowly?


FAST # 56

For reasons unknown, a skilled blacksmith was commissioned to build a cast iron outhouse. With no experience at such things he had much difficulty setting up the jigs, moulds and patterns necessary to make it all come together. At one point he was about to give up the project and just call it quits, however with sheer determination and skill, he managed to ___ ___.


FAST # 57

Noah must have been a very special person. Though he received a flood of information on how to build an ark, there were still many fine details that weren't provided. So, Noah had to use his own discernment and intuition in order to complete the 100 year task. His ability to alter, adapt and modify was one of the main reasons God chose such ___ ___ for the job.

ADJUST MAN / A JUST MAN (Doug Spector)

FAST # 58

Besides the many animals loaded onto the ark, there were several humans, including the builder's sons. One was an upright and responsible kid who was very helpful to his father in many ways. The other was a ne'er do well who could not be depended upon for anything important. He was assigned the task of confirming the number of each of the animals as they arrived to board the ark two by two. Supposedly his father gave him this job because he was such a ___ ___.


FAST # 59

What did the Japanese janitor yell as he jumped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES (James Ertner)

FAST # 60

The school district hired outside bus companies to provide transport for their elementary school students. One company provided buses for the kids in grades 1-6. Another, smaller company was hired for the younger students. The bus company owner came up with a snappy name to describe his bus service. What was it?

KINDER CARTIN’ (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 61

Last minute campaign messages are coming into many email boxes all over Scotland today. Most of these messages are being rejected by computer spam filters because the wording of the subject line makes it sound like yet another dubious diet plan. “Shed ___ fast!"

POUNDS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 62

IF the F-riddle is composed at the first meal of the day, and it is off topic, it could be called a ___ ___ riddle.

BREAK FAST (Alex Ramirez)

FAST # 63

It was a hard fought battle at the Indy 500 race when the two best buds were neck 'n' neck at the finish line. Even though they were on different teams these two drivers had grown up together and competed throughout their careers with a cordial but competitive attitude. Thus there was no animosity shown at all when one edged the other out by a mere half second at the checkered flag. I guess you could easily say they____ ____.

FAST FRIENDS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 64

Why wouldn’t the other animals in the jungle play cards with the fastest land animal?

IT WAS A CHEETAH (James Ertner)

FAST # 65

The religious observances of a Muslim country might be viewed with ____ by others.


FAST # 65-A

The USS Constitution generally is moored tightly to the pier, making it one of the ____ ships in the Navy.

FASTEST (Lars Hanson)

FAST # 66

There is a brand of cigarettes whose name is spelled almost like a synonym for fast; some people pronounce it just like the synonym. In 1960 it was the number one brand of cigarette in the USA. It was actually introduced in 1899 in the UK, and was named after a street in London. What is the name of this cigarette brand?

PALL MALL (Alex Ramirez)

FAST # 67

Speaking of lucky strikes, recently Obama invited some African doctors who are on the frontline of a deadly virus, over to the White House to visit. While there, they played a few games at the private indoor alley and Obama really outdid himself and highly impressed the doctors. As Obama was stepping up to roll the ball down the lane on the last frame with his score already in the 200's, one doctor whispered to the other doctors, "____ good game!"

HE BOWL A / EBOLA (Doug Spector)

FAST # 68

The two orphaned siblings had been taken in by a childless professional couple, both physicians. The little sisters were appearing together in a holiday theatrical performance at school and their foster parents were in the audience. At some point in the show a backstage rope came loose and sent a large sandbag crashing to the stage knocking both sisters unconscious. Of course the show came to a sudden halt as the director rushed onto the stage to attend to the girls. With a concerned look on his face the panicked director walked to the front of the stage, faced the audience and shouted what question?


FAST # 69

I recently tried 2 exact opposite diets which I did each for 1 week. One called for tons of fiber and roughage while the other had zero fiber. At the end of the 2 week experiment, I found that while I was definitely ____ by the high-fiber diet, the non-fiber diet ____ me more.

MOVED, IMPACTED (Doug Spector)

FAST # 70

What Central European native sounds like a cleaning appliance that’s not so fast and sucks?

SLOW VAC / SLOVAK (James Ertner)

FAST # 71

When the Dow drops precipitously as it did a few days ago, why is this a good time to invest in pillows and parkas?

IT'S A DOWN MARKET (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 72

A punster taking part in this series wasn't paying attention to his surroundings while vacationing in the Grand Canyon. He preferred punning on his smart phone to staying alert and it cost him his life. A park ranger who was also taking part in this series knew where the poor guy met his demise. Where in the Grand Canyon did he die?

RAPIDS (Charles Wukasch)

FAST # 73

Regardless of where the early primaries are held, presidential candidates depend on the generosity of supporters all over the country. Some offer only small monetary contributions while others can be quite generous. Contributors from one particular state are known for their enthusiastic whole-hearted support and are enthusiastically courted for their support. To needy candidates people from this state are known as ____ ____s.

OREGON DONER (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 74

Dr. Jekyll frequently traveled to India not only to study one of its religions, but also to participate in his favorite childhood game, which was WHAT?.

HYDE AND SIKH (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 75

What is the favorite style of Chinese food for dyslexic persons who prefer food that can be purchased in metal containers?

TIN-CAN-ESE / CANTONESE (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 76

A Chinaman came to the US in hopes of starting a business. He came via Ellis Island, and stood in line behind a Norwegian man named Ollie Oleson. Their papers were processed together. The Chinaman was granted entrance to the US and now owns a dry cleaners in Chinatown called Ollie Oleson's Chinese Laundry. Odd, no? So the reason why that name is, when asked the question "What's your name" by the immigrations officer - what response did the Chinaman give?


FAST # 77

A type of vessel used in the army and by hikers sounds like an adolescent with a positive attitude. It is ___?

CAN TEEN (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 78

At rallies, protests and major sporting events and concerts, you can tell which women have recently been to a beauty salon by their WHAT?


FAST # 79

A novice sailor left port for an afternoon outing. Everything went well but upon returning he became confused because all the inlets and docks looked so much the same. He mistakenly entered the wrong port, not just once but 5 different times. Frustrated and angry with himself for not being a better navigator, he muttered under his breath, "I guess it’s time for me to get ___ to ___ ___."

BACK to BAY SIX (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 80

What did the only Jewish Kamikaze pilot scream right he sacrificed himself?


FAST # 81

When a circumcision went wrong, the wife wanted to sue the guy who botched it. The husband of the couple, however, realizing it was only a small nick, nothing serious, refused to sue, saying to his wife You're making a mountain out of a ___

MOHEL / MOLEHILL (Charles Wukasch)

FAST # 82

What is the fastest Jewish holiday?

RUSH HA-SHONO (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 83

What do you use to repair a hole in a large squash?

PUMPKIN PATCH (Alex Ramirez)

FAST # 84

What Jewish holiday celebrates an immature fish?

YOUNG KIPPER (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 85

What article of clothing is least likely to be worn in a gay pride parade?


FAST # 86

What Jewish holiday celebrates the pilot who overshot his intended landing target in the state of Delaware?

PASSED DOVER (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 87

Out of Moscow in the 1970's came a rip-off of a popular American do-wop singing group. Oddly enough they also had a name very similar to the name of a Jewish holiday. By what name was this group known?


FAST # 88

Back in the 30's, a child star was a box office hit. Though she was super talented in singing,dancing and acting, I was always impressed by her cute creases in her cheeks. That's why when I was a kid, I called her ___ ___.


FAST # 89

Famous actress mourned the recent death of a Breeders Cup winning race horse. She even went so far as to attend the horse's funeral. Unbeknownst to her, the horse's owners cancelled the funeral and had it cremated instead. She came anyway. TMZ followed her and published the following headline the next day on their website: ___ ___ ___ !


FAST # 90

Chris’ earlier riddle was about the recently deceased racehorse named “Cigar.” Had this horse lived in an earlier era, he might have been employed as a draft horse pulling what kind of wagon?

CONE-STOGIE (Gary Hallock)

Alt. answer: CHEROOT / CHARIOT (Chris Gross)

FAST # 91

Add one letter to the word "fast" and you get a word that means more or less the opposite. What word is that?

FEAST (Alex Ramirez)

FAST # 92

For their holiday celebration, a Jewish husband bought his wife an extravagant present but demanded she guess what the present was before he would reveal it to her. She pondered the question only briefly before she came up with a correct guess. What did she say?

HA! NEW CAR! / HANNUKAH (Cynthia MacGregor}

FAST # 93

It is not uncommon for a senior in his 80s or 90s to have difficulty walking, frequently requiring accessories to assist him. This can be as simple as a branch of a tree with the shoots and leaves stripped, to expensive pieces of carved ivory or motorized walkers with wheels. Any of these are satisfactory for walking, but if he wishes to run he should always use a ____ ____.

HURRY CANE (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 94

What do you call a billboard bandit who quickly copies the message of brand new highway ads as soon as they go up, duplicates them before destroying the original, leaving a trail of debris, then makes and sells the identical copies to competitors as if they were his original creations?


FAST # 95

When the custodian’s union team beat the teacher's union team in three straight baseball games, the school newspaper's headline was WHAT?

‘ A CLEAN SWEEP (Stan Kegel)

FAST # 96

Under what general classification might you list blintzes, or gefilte fish, or stuffed derma, or lox and bagels, or potato kugel?

YID DISH (Cynthia MacGregor}

Alt.answer:JUDICIOUS (Gary Hallock)

FAST # 97

With so many dire and dangerous things going on across the globe these days, it’s tough for baseball fans to take the ____ ____.


FAST # 98

When Dr. Kegel was a teenager, he couldn't last long when he got down and "dirty" with the girls. That's why the girls nicknamed him "BLANK"


FAST # 99

Oscar Pistorius lost his legs at age 11, but became an Olympic-level runner. What is not known is that he had trouble for years keeping his prosthetic legs attached during races. He finally hit upon the unorthodox method of tying them on with ropes. Thus, he became known as the ____ ____..


FAST # 100

The blonde wanted to impress her new boyfriend with her culinary skillets by bringing dinner to his house but as luck would havoc, she prepared all the side dishes and forgot a main course of chorus. Anyway,she had to be quirk on her feat, so she thumbed thru her recipe book for something she could cook fast since she was due soon. She was so excited when she found this one dish because from its name, to her, it sounded like it wouldn't take long at all but in reality it actually takes 3-5 hours to cook. What was the dish?

BRISK’ET (Doug Spector)


Join to automatically receive all group messages.