Halloween Puns (repaired)
Are diamonds a ghoul’s best friend?
When Tighe's master saw his friend's drawing of something white and shapeless, he didn't know what he was looking at. The friend illuminated him, saying, "It's a ghost, Buster."
= = = = =
Well I’ll bewitched.
My stockbroker is an old hag from near Boston. When I ask her for advice about shares of stocks, her advice is always the same: "Buy 'em low! Salem high!"
Did you know that vampire bats are neck-rophiliacs?
Other bats are just fly-by-night operators.
I thought we were going to have a seance when they said it was time for "table rap". Then they brought out rolls of brown paper and string.
What late senator from Pennsylvania always announced his candidacy for a future election on Halloween night?
What do Hungarians like to eat on Halloween night?
A very mean spirited group of psychics approved elections amongst their ranks in hopes of finding a happy medium
I agree with Charles...Gary's limerick was for the birds
Re Gary's limerick below, it was a Poe one. He can do better!
When I was a kid I could never decide what to wear for Halloween, but Mom always came up with good ideas. I guess this proves the costumer is always right.
When the ghost went to his high school reunion, he had forgotten many of their names, though they were all familiar spirits.
I have another friend who claims to make contact with the "other side" [and I do not refer to Party politics]. Ouija believe it?
He also tells me that spooks are not allowed to practice without training. Their ability is checked by one of Heaven's favourites. The In Spectre.
I’m certainly not out to sidetrack or derail this thread but we have a similar/parallel thread building this weekend on the PUNY FaceBook page. I’m double posting to both. I’ve also dug into my archives and have posted a few of my own from previous years. Click the link above to read what others are adding today.
[I also dug out this old limerick from a few years ago.]
Ravens are not, I suppose
A bird that much differs from crows
But folks, unenlightened
Still tend to be frightened
And that is, at least, apropos
Guess his number was up
The necrophiliac was very busy on Halloween night. This explains why he woke up a little stiff the next morning.
Re Stan's comment below about finding new plots, writers of bizarre stories (horror, fantasy, etc.) like to find wide rows of graves. It gives them more space to contemplate. Unfortunately, some cemeteries have narrow rows of graves. These are called rowlings.
I have a friend who can't practice his violin at home, so he goes to graveyards to do so. He says that works best if he plays soul music. When I hear him he gives spirited performances.
Stephen King, the best-selling horror-story novelist obsessivejy visits cemeteries to find new plots.
The alpha tom of a group of turkeys told rest of them to keep quiet because some zombies were around. Unfortunately, they kept making turkey noises. So the alpha tom shouted out angrily "Quit goblin!"
The young immature ghost always got bullied and picked on by the others until he finally gruesome
A pretty female ghost was trying to seduce a handsome ghoul all night long but the ghoul kept rejecting her. When his buddies asked why he didn't go for it, he replied, "Why ruin my night when I cadaver in the morning"
The female ghost went haunting for a boyfriend but refused to slip between the sheets with any of them because she feared they might not re-specter in the mourning.
The zombie politician started his speech with, "My Fellow Zombies, Lend Me Your Ears"
Was that ghoul unimpressed with that ghost or was it his selection of spirits?
When the ghost met the ghoul of his dreams he tried to woo-woo her by getting her drunk on boos. She, however, was unimpressed and told him that she was already spooken for. Howl he ever get over her?
Stan honey -
As a fellow author I appreciate that you selected our small forum to launch that (deservedly) fave of yours from your & Rich's book. Mega sales to you two with the book. May your numbers be spooktacular.
Over a third of "Hilarious Holiday Humor" which I wrote with Richard Lederer are Halloween jokes, as is his entire new book, "Monster’s Unchained" I’ve been posting Halloween riddles all month. However a Halloween riddle that is one of my favorites from our book, and one I’ve never seen elsewhere is this one:
Q.:How do corpses in graveyards send messages to each other?
A.: They send CRYPTO-GRAMS.
Q: What do ghosts wear on rainy days?
What famous comic strip writer wrote a spin-off on the fictional detective Dick Tracy and his quest to find zombie killers?
Every Halloween since 2007, a ghost with a very distinctive mustache has been spotted in the mirror singing on stage at the Phantom of the Opera play in Las Vegas. Some have speculated it to be the spirit of Robert Ghoulet
Why shouldn't you goose a ghost?
You may get a handful of sheet.
I don't like talking to vampires because they have bat breath.
Last time a met a vampire, he made a bad impression on me.
This year Miley Cyrus is going to go Twirk or Tweeting.